Monday, May 21, 2007


I was reading Eman's blog where she talked about Marriage and what she thinks of it. Inspired by her, I am going to post what I think about it.

I grew up in Karachi, Pakistan. Spent the first 11 years of my life there. I grew up in what's known as one of the ghettos of Karachi, Lyari. Attending a billion weddings and always imagined my own. That's what you do when you are a little girl in Lyari. You dont think about how when you grow up, you'll be a doctor or an actress or whatever, instead you think of who you going to marry (arranged ofcourse), how your wedding is going to be, how many kids you'll have, etc. etc. You might even think of a love marriage if you been watching too many Indian movies but at the end of the day, you will know things like love marriages dont happen in real life. In real life, your mom and dad would wait for a boy's family to come and ask for your hand in marriage.........your parents would look at how that family is related to yours and ta-da, thats it. Don't matter if the boy's a drugie or gay or don't have work. Someone came and asked for your hand in marriage and you should be grateful!

When I was in Lyari, quite often, me and my little friends would put our arms side by side and compare how light and dark our skin was. With that, we would determine how many proposels we are going to get. If you are fair skinned, then you will get the most and maybe some really nice ones.......if you are dark skinned, you will be lucky if you get one. Whoever was the darkest among us, we would laugh at her and tell her to get some "Fair n Lovely" cream and make herself "Fair". Because you see, it doesnt matter how messed up the guy is, but the girl always have to be fair, beautiful, must know how to cook and clean and must have the patience to be her mother in law's slave and what not.

When I was little, I thought I knew who I was going to marry. I been told many times, mostly as jokes, but when you are that little, you dont think its a joke and take it seriously. When I went to a wedding (most likely atleast 3 a week), I would imagine how my marriage would be like, how my future would be like, and how happy I'll be. In a sense I was (am?) lucky that I never had to be perfect so I can find a right husband. My mom or grandma or aunts didnt care if I didnt cover my head, or knew how to cook, or run around all day like a free bird, because that what I was, free. I had more freedom then any of my other friends living on our street. While they were learning how to cook at the age of 7, I was on a truck at the main street, throwing rocks at people who passed by, while they started to wear hijabs at 8, I wore skirts and dresses. I was different from them like night and day but yet when it came to marriage, we all had the same thoughts. Some of my friends are now married, some with kids. I know, they werent given a choice, they were just married off and expected to live happily ever after and I know some of them are not so happy. I also know I would never marry without a choice.

Somewhere down the line, the crazy yet sweet, clever yet naive, wild yet innocent, Fari got lost. I learned that what you see is not always the truth. I learned that there is no such thing as happily ever after and there are no such things as Prince Charming coming to get you on their horses or running around trees with you singing their hearts out. I also realized that I can never get married only because I can never trust someone to spend my whole life with. Esp. not someone who my parents picked. Luckily unlike my friends, I have a choice to say no. I am not sure if I can go and pick my own man, but even I were, I dont think I would. Again, I cant trust someone or anyone. Though I would love to have kids one day...adopt maybe?

Ok umm I just read that and it doesnt make sense. Umm here is what I think of marriage now:

Just because you wear a fancy dress and say "I do" dont make you husband and wife. You need to be one in heart and soul, emotionally, mentally and physically. You need to know and feel that that person is your soulmate. Your soulmate doesnt mean you need to get married to that person. If you feel in your heart that, he's the one, then thats it. There is no need to have witness. A "I do" is meaningless if deep down inside you really dont know if you agree with it or not. I have no problem with live-in relationships as long as its a mature and understanding relationship. I have no problem with people having kids before getting married. Again marriages are really not that important to me. Also what works for one might not work for another. I have no problem with people getting married out of their race or religion, infact I highly agree with those people. I think it makes you a better person when you get together with someone who is different from you, not only you learn about a different culture but about yourself and your culture as well.

Will I ever get married? I dont know maybe if I really find someone who I feel like I can trust, even a teeny bit............until then its a no.


Sol said...

Oh Fari... you're only 20... you still have a long time before you become a spinster. Right now, youre young. live your life! Have fun!! When you get old and married, you'll regret the time you wasted on worrying about marrige. Like people say, "youth is wasted on the young."
You still have so much to live for...

Fari said...

I suppose..........

C said...

I agree with you 100% on this one! I looked up the definition of marriage and as soon as my eyes saw "consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law"...I knew I was going to have a problem!

I think it's beautiful when two people find true love filled with trust, honesty, kindness, laughter, compromise, etc. You're's what one feels in their heart that defines the love they have for another...I don't believe that people must sign a piece of paper to define and prove their love and relationship!

Love comes when you least expect it but until then, what sol said is so true...have fun and live your life to the fullest!