Saturday, May 5, 2007

And America's Next Top Model Is............


If you didnt believe me the 6730683486 times I already said my mom really has lost her mind, then this should prove it. So me and my dear mother were strolling away at the mall shopping for perfumes, she is obsessed with them, and we see a stage set up in the middle with all these blondies wearing slutry dresses and tiaras while their mothers happily looked at them, proud of the fact that their daughters are sluts. So my mom asks whats going on? Slutty dresses, tiaras, stage........."beauty pagent or a fashion show?"

"Why dont you join?" Ok mother just because I look like an aneroxic bitch dont make me the next Kate Moss. First of all, I dont do drugs or date ugly looking druggies. But ofcourse she doesnt get it and is like "I think you would win......." Bless her. Deep down, she does love me.....even if chases me around with one of Aryan's toys all day, she does love me. But ofcourse she goes on and on about how if I gain a bit of weight, lose the goldfish look, brush my hair, put some makeup on, get my teeth fixed, and maybe a nose and chin job, I might win. Umm Thanks Mom but I dont think so. But I finally say I might get to wear a bikini if thats alright with her........."Umm, well ok." I told you she's on crack.

The talks of me being the America's next top model continue all the way home. When we get home, I am like I dont mind meeting Tyra Banks and maybe I should join the next line of ANTM......she gives me one of her "go burn in hell" looks and is like "What makes you think I would let you become a model?" Umm right.

"Too bad, I already applied for ANTM and got accepted and will be on their next show. Must call and cancel".........Thats not funny she says and I should ask her before I do such things. Tell them due to my religion, I cant wear a bikini................Sure.

Anyways, talking about models and fashion and what not, I told a certain someone who I wish not to name that I want to go to Fashion Journalism. Ok fine I spent my high school life in track pants and a sweatshirt, never brushing my hair or could tell the difference between Vogue and Harper Bazaar, I think I can do a good job now. "You cant spell and you have very bad grammer".......Ouch!! This is the same person who I used to correct when it came to spelling back in Middle school. I would so say who this person is but I do infact like her and dont want her to hate me and also last time I said something, she threw a bunch of eggs at me and I am being fully serious. I was smelling like eggs for days except my hair was so shinny!!!

Talking about eggs, I am actually allergic to them. Or maybe somewhere down the line, I made that up. It was in 7th grade, we were in our math class. We couldnt speak proper english back in the day and were still in the ESL (English as a second language you losers) program so the teachers used to pity us and gave us an A even if we didnt do any work. So ya Math Class, me and Chiaki, the Japanese girl, would sit together cause we were the only ESL students and that year, she had 7 out of 8 classes with me. Oh wait, Lisandra was in the class too but she wont sit next to me cause I talked too much. It's after lunch and I really hate the teacher who have the worst hair I've even seen and I would make fun of it all day in the class. . Karma is such a bitch, years later I have even worst hair then her. So yes, we go to class, and Lisandra is not there. But Chiaki is. So 7 minutes later, my face starts itching really badly. I am convinced its the teacher who is doing black magic on me but Chiaki doesnt agree. I probably touched some plants, she says. Anyways, so I ask her if my face is red and shes like "yes it looks like a toyota".......Toyota? "yes Fari, the thing you put in the food......its the vegetable!".....Tomato? "Thats what I said." Ofcourse. So by this point we are loud and Mrs. Bad Hair comes over and talks like not only that we dont speak english, we are mentally retarded and deaf as well. "IS.....THEERE.....AAAA.....PROBLAAM?" Yes my face is itchy.....Chiaki says so is Mrs. Evil Hair is like go to the bathroom. So we go there and well yes it looks like I have two tennis balls in my mouth and its all red. Stupid Chiaki rubs her face with a paper towel and her cheeks turn even more redder then mine...stupid pale people!! So we go back to class and tell her we are allergic to something (I wanted to say her but Chiaki stopped me). She asks whats wrong so I start to cry and say I am going to die. She gives me the "you are such a drama queen look" God why does everyone do that? Anyways we get excused and get home.

At home, my mom is trying to figure out whats wrong with me, knowing very well how hard I try in life to make sure there is something wrong with me and I die an early death. She says I can go to bed and stay there. Few hours later, Samia arrives.....this was before God felt sorry for how boring our lives were and sent Aisha from up above (NYC to be exact) to entertain us. She is like oh your face is red. Very smart Sami!! She was such a drama queen back then. One day I was telling her how a basketball star is coming to our school and she cried saying I am making fun of her mom and I spent like an hour telling her no I love her mom. I personally think she was PMSing but she didnt know it back then. So anyways after my mom gives me some medication my itching is gone and so is the redness. The next day she makes me eat some eggs and the itching starts all over again and she comes to the conclsion that I am allergic to eggs when in fact, I really didnt want to eat eggs and did the Chiaki trick afterwards and rubbed my face with paper towel. Years later, she still doesnt make me eat eggs....yaaay! But now I forgot if I really am allergic to eggs or did I make it up?

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